She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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