Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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