My room smells like vodka and shame
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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