My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
