Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
