you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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