just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
