Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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