i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
