do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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