Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
