She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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