My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just want nice things and good sex
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize