Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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