All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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