we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
