His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You have to summon your inner elephant
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
