Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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