Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize