Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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