Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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