Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
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