dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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