As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
