I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
