someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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