people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
