thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
