I hate all girls vehemently.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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