I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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