theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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