so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
