apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
