Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
