there's paper in my vomit.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
