Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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