i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
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