what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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