It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
