Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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