My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
farters have to be the big spoon...
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex