She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
