Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Randomize
