Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
