come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
