WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
