I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
