You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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