oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Randomize
