At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I currently don't understand fingers.
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