So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
