I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
