Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
