Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
