somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
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