Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
