mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
