I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
