Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Randomize
