Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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