you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
