The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
