My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
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this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
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You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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