Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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