okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
