do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
