I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
